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27 August 2011

it doesnt feel 100% good these days.
though i am happy. whenever i am alone, my mind juz wonder off, and my heart simply kept on sinking.

the motivation is dying bit by bit. but i am still gonna do my best. this is not the time to get depress.



my heart never felt this heavy before.



*watashi wa kanashii desu

my heart is confused as well. i am trying not to cross the line. i am trying not to breakdown.


~ { 5:06 PM }
reflections of memories;

23 July 2011

it feels so hard, so shattered when you said out your true feelings.
you put up with what i like to do, for 4 years. you hate what i did for 4 years
why isit so hard for you to understand my feelings? my passion for it?
have you ever tried to appreciate this activity?
is not like i commit some crime or shameless act or doing something morally incorrect.
why do you dislike or even hate this activity so much?
it changed me so much. i feel stronger, emotionally, psychologically and physically.
it makes me happier, knowing that i am able to accomplish something.
it makes me understand some teachings of life.
it brought so much unique experiences, knowledge and friends to me.
why do you view it so negatively.
is not like i will give up my entire career or whatever for it.
it is an outlet for me, it is my interests, my passion.
it will not screw up my entire life.
it will only beautify my life.
do you understand?
sorry, i cant be as perfect as her.
so dont force me to be like her.

~ { 11:09 PM }
reflections of memories;

02 June 2011

SHE《记得要忘记》

在就要转身前突然又想起你
相遇的那天样这微笑的你
那个微笑 还是很美丽
可惜那个人常常让人哭泣

太耀眼的城市不适合看星星
就如同你的心不适合谈安定
谢谢你让我伤过心
学会爱情并非执迷
人改变不了改变不了的事情

记得要忘记 忘记
我提醒自己
你已经是 人海中的一个背影
长长时光
我应该要有新的回忆

人无法决定会为谁动心
但至少可以决定放不放弃
我承认我 还是会爱着你
但我将永不再触碰这记忆

记得要忘记 忘记
经过我的你
毕竟只是很偶然的那种相遇
不会不容易
我有一辈子 足够用来忘记
我还有一辈子 可以来努力
我一定会忘记你

i needa face the reality. i have to do it.
stay strong. be stronger.

*watashi wa kanashi desu
now i understand your feeling. i shall not intrude your life. i shall watch you from far. i shall be alone. even though it hurts so much.

~ { 11:46 PM }
reflections of memories;

18 April 2011

juz ended one "surprise" race, PA championship. not exactly "surprise", juz that it wasnt in the major event calendar of mine la. haha.

ohwell. muz admit i am getting old le. preparing for retirement le. juz 3 race sets. my back is aching madly *haiz~ interesting race. haha. though its not the major event, but the line ups at the semi alr seemed like a tertiary line up. :X
ohwell. next race: july race. with a omg trng schedule. *hope i can survive through. haha

hmm. i shldnt be typing this entry away. coz i got an exam up soon, in 2 days' time. and i am not even halfway there. *so deadmeat. but. i juz couldnt get the mood to start mugging. hmm~ guess too much stuff is being held up in my mind. cant imagine me fighting alone, is gonna be real tough. i needa stay strong.
jiayous ba weiting.

*watashi wa kanashii desu
shld i? i inch forward even more? or shld i juz stay? i dont know. the fear of rejection. the fear of losing the chance.

~ { 11:31 PM }
reflections of memories;

12 April 2011

fyp handed in!
presentations over!
mid term and term paper finish!
WHEEEE~ it seems like i can finally enjoy my final uni life. haha.
but. too bad i cant. haiz. i still got one bloody external exam to take. which i needa spend all my free days/time studying it. so tiring D:

juz ended an interview yesterday. kinda got a shock by the interview. disappointed that it ended faster than i ever expected. *haiz~ ohwell. can onliy say is an experience gained, gonna do better the next time.

hmm. how i wish i can be more brave. have more courage. so i can face the reality.

*watashi wa kanashii desu
do you know how much i miss chatting with you. i dont have the courage to take the initiative to chat with you nowadays. as i fear rejection and slience from you. do you know?

~ { 11:40 PM }
reflections of memories;